


Gleeful Glittering

by The_Devil_In_The_Details_666



Series: All The Batfam BS [89]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon Being a Little Shit, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce's children are all hellions and Bruce is not paid enough to deal with their shenanigans, Cassandra Cain Being a Little Shit, Chaos, Damian Wayne being a Little Shit, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd are Bad Influences, Duke Thomas Being a Little Shit, Gen, Glitter, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, M/M, Pranks, Silly, Stephanie Brown Being a Little Shit, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666/pseuds/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666
Summary: Two glittery pranks, ten years apart.
Relationships: Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne & His Kids, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Series: All The Batfam BS [89]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514906
Comments: 21
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I may add more to this with the rest of the Batfam.

“Alfred, have you seen Jason anywhere?”

Alfred looked up from where he was shelling peas, brow furrowing, and answered, “I believe I last saw him in the library, Master Bru- What on Earth happened to you?”

Bruce sighed, rubbing his face and sending a cascade of bright blue glitter to the floor, and muttered, “Someone put glitter in the Batmobile’s vents. I suspect Dick, but I want to check with Jason first.”

Alfred’s lips twitched slightly and he answered, “I see, Master Bruce.”

Bruce gave him a look, then headed up to the library, soon locating Jason sprawled out on the couch, a stack of books next to him and an open book on his chest as he slept. Bruce couldn’t help but smile and gently picked the book up from Jason’s chest, slipping a bookmark in and closing the book before setting it aside. Jason shifted, eyes cracking open, and Bruce stated, “Just me, Jaylad.”

Jason huffed sleepily and stretched, one hand coming up to cover a yawn. Then he opened his eyes fully and asked, “What the fuck happened to you?”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, replying, “Language. And someone put glitter in the Batmobile’s vents. Got any ideas of who that may have been?”

Jason eyed Bruce with barely concealed amusement, then answered, “Well, considering the bitch fit Dickhead threw last night, I think the World’s Greatest Detective should be able to connect the sparkly blue dots.”

Bruce sighed, answering, “Figured as much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 10 Years Later _

“Alfred, have you seen Jason anywhere?”

“I believe he is- Oh my.”

Bruce sighed, even that minute movement sending red glitter cascading to the floor, and answered, “Someone put glitter in the Batmobile’s vents again.”

Alfred’s lips twitched, clearly fighting a smile, and he stated, “I see, Master Bruce. I believe Master Jason is in the library.”

Bruce nodded and headed up to the library, where he found Jason and Tim curled up on the couch together, Tim’s laptop and a familiar worn book on the table beside them. Tim’s cheek was smushed against Jason’s chest and Jason had an arm around Tim’s waist. They looked peaceful and Bruce felt a little guilty as he shook Jason’s shoulder, sending both of them jerking awake. Tim blinked once, then pressed a hand to his mouth to muffle his laughter, his shoulders shaking as he curled in on himself. Jason didn’t bother hiding, instead throwing his head back on the cushions and laughing until his face was red and he had tears trickling down his cheeks, gasping for air. Bruce sighed, then shook his head and asked, “Would I be correct in assuming you were responsible for my current predicament?”

Tim was making little squeaking noises, rocking back and forth as he got steadily redder, and Jason wheezed, nodding. Bruce sighed again and looked up to the heavens for help, muttering, “Why are all of my children like this? Hooligans, the lot of you.”

“You love us.”

Bruce sighed, but smiled, answering, “I do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story was supposed to be one chapter.
> 
> Obviously, that didn't work. Thanks, writing goblin.
> 
> Also, shoutout to RachelMorganRoth, whose comment on the first chapter was the inspiration for this one.

Dick knew it was immature. But dammit, he was 19 years old and Bruce had been pissing him off recently and the glitter was _right there_ , Nightwing blue and leftover from a project Jason had been doing. So yes, he knew it was immature, but that didn’t stop Dick from stealing the Batmobile’s keys and the tub of glitter, slipping into the front seat, and pouring glitter into the vents on the driver’s side, giggling to himself the whole time. Once he had poured a sufficient amount of glitter and cleaned up any spillage, he locked the doors again, hung the keys back on the rack, and snuck up to Jason’s room to put the glitter back. He had just cracked the door to Jason’s room open when, from behind him, Jason commented, “Y’know he’s gonna be pissed at you, right?”

Dick startled, then whirled on Jason and hissed, “Don’t you dare tell him it was me.”

Jason rolled his eyes, not looking particularly threatened, and answered, “You can’t actually be dumb enough to think that he’ll need _me_ to tell him, can you?”

He stepped forward, plucking the glitter from Dick’s fingers, and held up three fingers, listing, “One: There’s only three possible culprits and Alfred is too prim and proper for this kind of shit, so that brings us down to two possible culprits.”

He lowered his ring finger.

“Two: You and him are fighting right now and you’re a petty little bitch.”

He lowered his index finger, leaving just his middle finger and a particularly unimpressed expression. 

“And three: You used _glitter in the same color as your fucking uniform, you idiot._ Seriously, it doesn’t exactly take the world’s greatest detective to figure out. Pretty sure that _Harvey fucking Bullock_ could connect the sparkly blue dots.”

Dick scowled at Jason, who rolled his eyes and shoved past him into his room, adding, “I’m not gonna say anything, Dickhead. He benched me last night, remember? Far as I’m concerned, I didn't see shit and haven’t spoken a word to you all day.”

Dick relaxed slightly, then after a moment of internal debate, asked, “Want to go get ice cream?”

Jason gave him an incredulous look, then shook his head and answered, “Only if you take me to the library, too. I have a couple books to return.”

“Alright, nerd. Get your books and your library card and whatever.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_10 years later_

Dick watched curiously as Jason snuck down to the Cave, looking unbearably mischievous, with a small package tucked into his jacket. Dick was 99.9% certain it wasn’t anything dangerous, considering the fact that Jason was on much better terms with the family, but curiosity and caution were traits inherent to all Robins, current and former, and so Dick followed Jason down to the Cave. Jason grinned, approaching the Batmobile, and pulled a set of familiar keys from his pocket, muttering, “Thank you, Baby Bird.”

The Batmobile’s locks disengaged and Jason slid into the driver’s seat. Dick rolled his eyes, because Jason had been pestering Bruce to let him take the Batmobile for a joyride since he was 13 and it was just like Tim to enable Jason’s harmless nonsense. But, as the moments ticked by, the driver’s side door didn't close and the engine didn’t start. Dick crept forward and peered into the open door, wondering what exactly Jason was up to, and spotted Jason using a piece of rolled-up paper to pour something from a plain white container into the vents. Dick waited until Jason was done, then asked, “Whatcha doin’, Little Wing?”

Jason startled, nearly dropping his little container, then rounded on Dick with a vaguely guilty look on his face. Dick raised an eyebrow, then, before Jason could do anything, he snatched the container from Jason’s hands and opened it, peering into it and then bursting into laughter loudly enough to send the bats on the roof of the Cave fluttering and screeching. Jason snatched the tub of bright red glitter back from Dick, squirreling it away into his jacket, and Dick grinned, teasing, “Are we making this into a new Robin tradition? Or, I guess, post-Robin tradition?”

“Two is not a tradition, Dickhead.”

“I think we both know that Tim and Steph would be willing to do it, too.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, then smirked and answered, “Tell you what, Dick. You get Blondie in on it and I’ll get Baby Bird. First one to convince their target wins.”

“Oh, you’re _on_.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Looks at my writing goblin* You know this was supposed to be one chapter, right?

Steph was lounging on one of the Manor’s many, many couches, painting her nails, when Dick tumbled through the door with a slightly manic grin on his face. She raised an eyebrow at him, then, as he opened his mouth, stated, “Whatever you’re about to ask me to do is going to have to wait until my nails are done.”

Dick bounced over and dropped onto the couch, then plucked the bottle of polish from her hands and ordered, “Let me.”

“Fine, whatever. But if you make a mess of them, _I will end you_.”

Dick gave a mock offended look, then took Steph’s proffered hand and began carefully painting her nails with the fancy matte purple polish Babs had given her. She studied Dick, then, as he finished her nails, asked, “So. What did you want from me?”

Dick screwed the lid of the bottle back on, then answered, “Jason and I are starting a new former-Robins tradition.”

“Is two really a tradition?”

“Shush. That’s why you and Timmy need to do it too.”

“I am _not_ wearing any sort of matching sweaters with you losers.”

Dick made a face at her, then answered, “It involves fucking with B.”

“Go on.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim was laying facedown on the couch in the Manor library, his whole back just one giant knot of tension courtesy of sitting hunched in front of his computer for the last four days, when the library door opened and Jason’s intentionally-audible footsteps entered, closing the door behind him. Then Jason’s warm hands settled on Tim’s back, gently rubbing as Jason commented, “Fucking hell, Baby Bird, how are you _this tense_?”

Tim whined and pressed his face deeper into the throw pillow, melting into a puddle as Jason massaged and kneaded the tension out of his shoulders and back. His hands were warm and Tim’s eyelids began getting heavy as Jason worked the knots out of his muscles, his lack of sleep starting to catch up with him, and he was about to drift off when Jason pressed a kiss to the back of his head and stated, “Dick wants to start a new tradition with us former-Robins.”

Tim groaned slightly, then mumbled, “I refuse to wear matching sweaters and there is not enough money or blackmail in the _multiverse_ to change my mind on that.”

“Oh god no. Trust me, you’ll like it. I’ve already done it, if that helps you feel more comfortable with the idea.”

The fact that Jason had done it did actually help and Tim sighed, then answered, “What is it?”

“Putting glitter in the Batmobile’s vents. Dick is trying to convince Blondie right now.”

Tim mulled the idea over for a moment, Jason’s hands still rubbing his back, then rolled over and dragged Jason down onto the couch with him, curling into Jason’s warm chest.

“Sold. I’m assuming you used red glitter, I know that Dick used blue when he did it, and I’d bet just about anything that Steph is going to use purple, so I claim black.”

“All yours, Baby Bird. Tomorrow?”

“Deal.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took Bruce far longer than he was willing to admit to scrub the red glitter out of his hair, but he couldn’t help his small smile the entire time. He could still remember Dick at 19 and hurting and, in retrospect, justifiably _furious_ with Bruce, and the way that his face had lit up when Bruce had entered his bedroom covered in blue glitter, the way that all the hurt and anger and sadness had left his face for a few brief minutes as he laughed himself sick. The memory was a fond one, a bright spot in the darkness of those rocky years with his eldest son, and Bruce shook his head as he shampooed his hair for the fifth time, thinking about the way that Dick had squealed like he was 13 again when Bruce hugged him, covering his eldest in blue glitter until they were both laughing. Funnily enough, that was about the time that their relationship had started to heal some.

Bruce’s mind then turned to Jason, the look of sheer delight on his face when he saw Bruce covered in red glitter. His relationship with Jason had gotten better since Jason had started dating Tim, but it was still agonizingly rare for Jason to be so… _genuine_ with his emotions, anger excluded, in front of Bruce. His second son was so overwhelmingly full of emotions and passion, but he seemed convinced that Bruce was going to kick him out at the first sign of them. It was heartbreaking, knowing that he had screwed up the relationship _that badly_ , and Bruce wanted nothing more than to fix it, by whatever means necessary. 

Even if that meant getting covered in glitter again and again.

(Famous last words, Bruce.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night after Jason’s glittery red prank, Bruce slid into the Batmobile, listening to the sounds of his children and pseudo-children. Damian and Dick were at the Batcomputer, playing the video game that they had probably bribed either Tim or Barbara to hook up. Stephanie, Tim, Cass, and Jason were all sitting on the floor in a group. Tim was rewiring… _something_ and Steph was painting his toenails as Cass painted Steph’s toenails. Jason was sitting behind Steph, braiding her hair and telling them a story about something. Duke, the most recent addition to the family, was sitting at one of the worktables with Babs, peering over her shoulder as she talked to him. The whole scene made Bruce smile and he fished the Batmobile’s keys out of the pockets of his oil-stained pants, then turned the engine on. Tim had reported it making a strange noise that morning, having moved it to retrieve something that had rolled under it, and Bruce mulled over what could have been causing the noise. The engine turned on, then the AC followed suit in a cloud of black and purple glitter. Bruce blinked as the glitter drifted through the car, then sighed and turned off the engine, putting his head in his hands for just a second before opening the car door and getting out. The Cave had gone eerily silent, but the silence was broken by a tiny, muffled snort from Duke. Duke’s snort set off Babs, whose laughter in turn sent the rest of the Cave’s occupants into hysterics, the whole set of them laughing like maniacs. Bruce couldn’t help his own smile, looking over at where Steph and Cass and Tim and Jason were sitting, then asked, “Really? Two nights in a row?”

Tim and Steph high-fived, then Dick chirped, “Don’t worry, B, they’re the last ones!”

Somehow, Bruce didn’t believe his eldest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was yellow glitter the next night and Duke was in tears laughing, clinging to the computer chair for support as he cackled. In retaliation, Bruce pulled the kid in for a hug, covering him in yellow glitter as Duke shouted for his siblings to save him. His siblings, being a pack of hellions, just pointed and laughed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fourth night, Bruce made Dick get in and turn on the Batmobile before he would get in, having learned his lesson. Dick rolled his eyes, clearly calling Bruce a big baby in his head, and Bruce gave him a _look_ that said “This is your fault, face the consequences of your actions”. There was no glitter, however, and Bruce let himself relax. He still made Dick or Jason turn on the Batmobile first, before he would get in, but, after two weeks of no glitter, Bruce foolishly assumed that it was over and that he was free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce slipped into the driver’s seat, suited up and ready to go, and turned the key. The engine roared to life and, too late, Bruce spotted the smudge of gold glitter on the vent. Then it was covering every inch of him and Bruce was sighing, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the steering wheel as he muttered, “Why did I ever have children?”

Cass giggled from behind him, nearly scaring Bruce out of his skin, then climbed forward to sit in the passenger’s seat, answering, “Love us.”

Bruce sighed, unable to help the fond smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, then answered, “I do.”

Cass grinned at him, patting his glitter-covered shoulder, then slipped out of the Batmobile as Damian approached.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Babs struck Bruce where he wasn’t expecting it. He spent weeks anticipating a faceful of glitter every time he started the Batmobile. He was prepared.

He was not, however, prepared to open his desk drawer at W.E. five minutes before a board meeting and end up with a lapful of glitter in the same shade of red-orange as Barbara’s hair. It cascaded down his black dress pants, filling his shoes and spreading all over the floor, and Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and pulling out his phone. He typed in Babs’s number, then hit call. Babs picked up on the second ring, greeting, “Hey, B. How’s work?”

Bruce sighed, hoping it properly conveyed his disappointment, then stated, “Significantly more sparkly than it should be.”

“Oh, you found my gift? I was feeling a little left out and figured I’d join in with the rest of your kids.”

Bruce sighed again, rubbing his temples, and couldn’t help his smile even as he stated, “I seem to recall you having a father, Barbara.”

“And? There’s this fun little thing called a ‘father-in-law’. Last time I checked, I can have both.”

Bruce choked, nearly dropping his phone, and Babs laughed lightly, adding, “Oops, did Dick not tell you? He proposed last night.”

Bruce dropped his phone at that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The members of the Board were rather unimpressed when Bruce showed up twenty minutes late to the meeting, covered in glitter and in full Brucie mode, and threw himself into his seat with the sort of dramatics he usually saw from Stephanie, announcing, “My son proposed to his girlfriend and _didn’t even tell me_!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce was, in a word, _surprised_ when he slid into the Batmobile and got a faceful of Robin green glitter. He had honestly thought that Damian would refuse to participate in something so ‘juvenile’, so it took him completely off-guard when he turned on the engine and was enveloped in a cloud of dark green. The noise that escaped Bruce was not a squeak, Batman did not _squeak_ , but it was certainly close to it and Bruce knew that his children had heard it, presumably courtesy of the Batmobile’s surveillance equipment, because he could hear their laughter even through the soundproofing on the Batmobile. He sighed, unable to help his smile at his youngest son, always so serious and straight-laced, doing something as juvenile and silly as putting glitter in the Batmobile’s vents, then got out of the Batmobile, looking over at his children. Damian looked a mix of smug and scared, like he was worried that Bruce would react badly, and Bruce let himself laugh quietly, walking over to ruffle Damian’s spiky hair and cover his youngest in glitter as he commented, “I see your siblings managed to get you in on their nonsense.”

“Tt. It is a rite of passage, is it not?”

Dick beamed and Jason looked far too pleased with himself as Bruce answered, “I suppose it is, Damian.”

Then he grabbed Dick and dragged him into a hug, laughing as Dick squealed. Dick squirmed, but Bruce held him tight, stating, “You started this war, Dick, it’s only fair that you deal with the fallout.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Damian, Bruce was certain that it was over. His ~~hellions~~ children had all glittered him and he thought that was the end of it.

Then he went to shower and found his soap full of silver glitter.

(Turns out that Alfred didn’t appreciate him tracking glitter into the house. Who’d’ve guessed?)


End file.
